I am back from a writing hiatus, just in time for some of the weirdest archaeological news yet this year. A few weeks ago, archaeologists in Alexandria, Egypt excavated a 2,000-year-old, black granite sarcophagus at a construction site of an apartment complex. The tomb was located about five meters below the surface, along with an alabaster head (probably of the owner of the sarcophagus).
The news spread all over. People were understandably excited to find out who or what was in that sarcophagus. Some even feared that they would unleash a curse. At the moment of truth, there was a bit of disappointment. Upon opening, the archaeologists were made nauseous from the putrid stench emanating from the sarcophagus. Inside, three skeletons sloshed around in a vile stew of reddish brown sewage water. When I first heard about this, I wondered if it may have been an embalming gone wrong, leaving the bodies to essentially cook in a vat of unknown chemicals. However, the archaeologists on site reported that there was a small crack in the sarcophagus that had allowed sewage water to seep in over the years, leading to what could be described as the devil’s privy.
Yet, the horror and disappointment didn’t stop there because the archaeologist did indeed release a curse; the curse of stupid. In the spirit of the, “The Tide Pod Challenge,” people are now asking to, “drink the red liquid from the cursed dark sarcophagus.” In a Change.org petition, signers are calling on Egyptian authorities to allow people to drink the “mummy juice.” As of this afternoon, the petition had over 22,000 signatures and was rapidly growing towards their goal of 25,000 signatures. Some reasons people have stated for signing the petition include, “This is the true next stage in the evolution of mankind, the world governments dare think they can take this nectar of life for themselves, Give. Us. The. Juice,” and, “Let us drink from the cursed waters of Set.”
Personally, I think that these people are way off. Clearly the only way to truly get the magic mummy juice power is to include the actual mummies in the mix to make a supercharged sarcophagus smoothie. Since we can't do that, here is a recipe for Dr. Heather Lynn’s Sarcophagus Smoothie. I guarantee it is 100% more delicious and nutritious than anything you will find floating in a sewage-filled sarcophagus.
All ingredients are what would have been eaten in ancient Egypt. The smoothie gets its red color from pomegranates. Pomegranates have been found in Ancient Egyptian tombs and painted on the walls as a symbol of prosperity. Greek yogurt is used as a nod to the Ptolemaic dynasty.
Dr. Heather Lynn’s Sarcophagus Smoothie
1 cup plain yogurt Greek yogurt
4 figs (fresh, sliced in half)
1 1/2 cup ice cubes
1/2 cup pomegranate juice
4 teaspoons honey
2 Tbs. raw carob powder (Cacao or cocoa powder is a good substitute; however, carob is more authentically Egyptian)
Combine ingredients in a blender and purée until smooth. Pour into glasses and serve cold.